David Crew is a gamer and web lover. Read my blog or else I'll throw a Bomb-Omb at you. Lighted. :)

Comedy

David’s Got an Apartment!


Hey Everyone,

This semester has been quite ridiculously hectic so far:

Got Kicked Out of University Housing:

 

Yup. I guess I’m a troublemaker? Hoodlum even?! That’s right, hide yo kids, and hide yo wife, because I’m just an awful

person. Also, I guess having a person that is in your room who is 21 and drinking their own single beer is a evict-able offense… at least in the eyes of the University. Oh well.

Now I’m living in a 3 bedroom apartment with my other roommates that got kicked out, and we’re paying $750 dollars less a month for three times the space of our original dorm with our own kitchen, bath, and living room. Heat and water are also included which is mad nice too. So I guess, I got forced into saving enough money that I can now afford that car I was thinking of? Thanks College! Gotta admit, I love it here. It sucked moving out, but now we always have people over and finally have a little more privacy. Distance from campus? 5 Minutes. Love it. ❤

New Girls, New Stories 😉

I am not a ladies man. Alright, alright, I’m outgoing, funny, kind, intelligent, and I respect and treat women right. Sound familiar? That’s right, it’s the exact formula that women in college don’t go after. I am not a spray tanning, eyebrow waxing, hair mousing, muscle man that is more in love with biceps than with his girl, so naturally, I don’t really have that many girls who I have intimate relations with.

But this year, it’s all different. Ever since the start of the semester, I’ve had a few different girls each month that are involved in my life for a bit, we do things and have fun, then next thing I know, there’s more girls adding themselves in. Where did this come from? Could it be that college girls are actually maturing and realizing that the Jersey Shore wannabe dudes (devout fan btw) aren’t all they’re cracked up to be? Maybe there’s just a spike in the college slut population, yet still these girls aren’t skanky, so that can’t be true. I don’t know what changed this year, but I’m lovin’ it. I actually have a few stories I may tell later on that you may appreciate. Nothing big, just regular gossipy stories that I know some of you subscribers out there eat up like crack coated charleston chews.

School is Hard.

Very. Seriously, doing a double major is not my cup of tea right now. Maybe it was the small period of homelessness I had in between moving (that’s right, I was homeless for a week: certified hobo fresh). Or maybe it’s just the fact all the intro stuff is going away and now we have to learn REAL things, not theories and such. Whatever it is, it’s just difficult and my grades are not so hot. HOWEVER, these last few exams I rocked harder than your grandmother’s rocking chair on speed, so hopefully that GPA will be flyin higher than MIA soon enough.

Business is Good

I started consulting this semester. You know, just trying to earn a little extra cash with some of the knowledge and experiences I’ve had in my life related to technology, business development, and other things. So far, I’ve had a few residual clients that I love working with. It gives me a chance to help out small business owners and other independent professionals with various portions of their professional establishment or professional lives, all while making a decent profit at it. (I charge about $35 an hour, which I guess is rather low for a consultant, but I don’t mind.) I really feel like I’m making a difference in these people’s lives and hopefully they are getting the information that they need to further their professional development.

But, I’m like Nutella, I’m delicious and spread nice over things, but you soon find out, that you’re completely out, and your breakfast, lunch, dinner entre is forever empty of sweet, sweet Nutella. WHY OH WHY IS IT GONE!? But seriously, I always feel like I’m spreading myself thin here. The company is going fine, you know, the one I founded over the summer? I have a partnership deal being hammered out with a popular nationwide pizza franchise which, if it goes through, would land me about $100,000 more with the business. So, hopefully things go well and they like what I have to offer enough to work out a nice little business relationship. If not, well, shit happens, gotta roll with it. Bootstrapping is nice and all, but a little extra nudge is always nice 🙂

Also, I’m working on a children’s book series.

“But David! You’re ****ing crazy! You know nothing of literature, children’s books, publishing, or anything of that sort!”

And to that I say, so what? One day, as a kid, I came up with a list of things I wanted to do before I became an adult and became boring. One of them included, well, not being boring, and also to come up with something to give back to the world as a whole. It didn’t matter what it was, but it had to be something material enough and something worthwhile that someone would say, “Hey, this guy, this guy right here. He did something that changed my life and helped me. Have some of my Nutella”. And then I would proceed to never run out of Nutella ever again and not have to resort to mundane peanut butter on my slice of bread.

Why can’t I make a book series? Who’s to give you the authority to tell me it isn’t going to happen and I should just give up the work I’ve put into it? Sure, I may do bad things occasionally, bend the rules sometimes, and talk and say things worse than a drunken Irish man that had someone take his keys away, but that doesn’t mean I can’t put together some semblances of human emotion and put them on a page and hope it helps a child out there learn about life.

It’s the experiences we have that gives us the ability to teach and produce true artistic material. I can’t remember which Simpsons writer it was that said it in a Simpsons’ commentary, but the best scripts they always had, were the ones where the writer could reach down into a personal experience or event in their lives and put it into a plot for an episode. That’s why, it’s not always an Ivy-League graduate who will produce the best movie, research, or children’s book, but rather an individual who has experienced many great and wonderful things in his life as well as many not so great things. I’m not saying the book will be like a multi-platinum album of the literary world, but even if it changes the life of one child in the world, I’d say that’d be pretty sweet.

Someone Hire Me

Like most college kids, an ideal life would be to go to school, find the perfect girl in or a little after graduation, get a decent job that’s got benefits, have a couple planned kids and maybe an accidental one, then work 50 or so years and die knowing that you were loved and relatively successful.

I gotta find me a job.

I did an internship this summer, and loved it, but now I have to find a new internship at a larger firm to possibly secure a position when I graduate. Graduation isn’t for another year and a half, so I have a decent time to plan, but still, I would like this feeling of floating in an sea of unknown to go away and actually know there’s a rescue career helicopter out there waiting to pick me up and bring me to a job with $50k a year.

I guess, it’s just hard sometimes to really motivate myself to do well in school. It’s like, where am I going? Where will I end up? Will I be happy? I guess I’m being super emo right now, but this is some serious shit. If I don’t figure out what’s going on with my life, I may wake up one morning and see an obese, disheveled, excuse for a man staring back at me in the mirror. I don’t want that. I want to be better than great. I’ll be so awesome in life, they’ll have a new adjective named after me. Oh, Warren Buffet? Yeah, he was a DAVID CREW.

But I digress. I love this place where I am right now, but it won’t last forever. I love doing these little projects, they keep my life interesting, and I guess if I end up finding myself unemployed for a while after I graduate, will hopefully keep me sane. I need to always be doing things, that’s why I’ll always update this blog no matter what. (So subscribe today! 🙂 )

Anywho, that’s more a less an update on what’s going on. Have a good one you guys, and lovin the views and subscribers we’re getting right now. It really means something when you see that stuff. Vote/comment/share today!

-dc

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The Best Season of Futurama Yet


Hey Everyone,

I know it’s been a bit since I’ve updated this blog, and you can blame that on college starting back up and now homework actually being assigned. No Gen Eds to actually take up my time this semester too, which is annoying.

Anywho, Futurama is a surprisingly underrated show, even today after having five glorious seasons and now going on their sixth. However, this year, Futurama has been pulling out every single stop as far as quality of writing, animation, and wit. Dealing with philosophical themes and issues of mortality and the continuum of time, Futurama provides some exceptional artistic presentation combined with the humor of the show.

I really can’t explain the intricacies of the current 6th season very eloquently, since I’m not a writer for Futurama and have that kind of superhero-type writing ability, but I definitely recommend episode 6, Lethal Inspection, and episode 7, The Late Philip J. Fry as episodes to watch that will both make you smile and laugh, as well as tear up a bit.

As always, stay awesome my friends,

-David Crew


Disturbing Shopping List


Hey Everyone,

Today I stumbled across someone’s terribly revealing shopping list at work that was crumpled up on the floor. I thought I’d share them with you:

1. Milk
2. Zoloft Rx
3. Wart freeze off applicator
4. Pregnancy test
5. Chicken Ramen
6. 30 pack Bud Light
7. Lavender Febreeze spray
8. Journal
9. Stuff that turns lights on slowly
10. Fan
11. Quick trim slim system

Now it’s pretty simple to piece together this list. So the person that dropped it was buying the bare essentials of food, milk and ramen. I’m assuming it’s a woman, who has a terrible wart problem, but recently had sex and is worried about becoming pregnant with a child and therefore took the pregnancy test. She’s buying a 30 pack, most likely for herself, even though she is picking up a prescription for  anti depressants.

I’m not really sure why she’s buying a journal, maybe to chronicle her depression and possible pregnancy with some guy she met. She doesn’t seem too smart or ready for hard work, however. She is most likely overweight and wants to lose weight doing it an easy way, and doesn’t understand that the thing that “turns lights on slowly” is a dimmer switch. Annnd, lastly, it’s summer, so she’s buying a fan to stay cool.

Wow. Amazing what a shopping list can tell you about a person.


Struck – The Film (best short film ever)


Hey Everyone,

Not sure how I missed this little gem. A man is “struck” with an arrow when he sees the woman of his dreams. But living with that little arrow is harder than it seems. Check out the 7 minute film, it’ll be worth your time, trust me. =]

Struck The Film by Taron Lexton:

Info @ struckthefilm.com

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Struck on Vimeo“, posted with vodpod

Kumar robbed, Harold Sought for Question


Poor Kumar, getting robbed is no fun. ={ And no, just because it was 4-20 does not mean the guy is absolutely loaded with cash.

“Actor Kal Penn, who has been serving as a White House liaison, was robbed at gunpoint in a Washington neighborhood. Penn was walking in the city about 1:20 a.m. Tuesday, April 20, 2010 when a man with a gun approached him and took his wallet and other property. The actor goes by his given name, Kalpen Modi, for his work at the White House. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello, File)(Chris Pizzello – AP)”

(story)


Disturbing Old Navy Commercial


Hey Everyone,

Haven’t watched tv in a bit, but when I turned it on I got a look at this Old Navy ad for skirts. Now, I don’t consider myself a pervert or anything, but at first glance it looked like the pole was going places it shouldn’t be. Have a look for yourself.


Italian Kid Stabs Father Over FIFA


Hey Everyone,

(ITALY): A father was giving tactical advice to his son 16 yr old son Mario (lulz) on FIFA 2009 when his son decided to take a 15 inch knife and stab his father in the neck. At least he had the right manners to wash the knife.

Full Story

ROME (Reuters) – An Italian man who argued with his son over Sony PlayStation tactics was recovering in hospital on Monday after the teenager stabbed him in the neck with a 15-inch (40 cm) kitchen knife, police and hospital officials said.

The man, identified as Fabrizio R., suffered a deep cut to the throat after his 16-year-old son, Mario, attacked him during an argument on Sunday over the soccer video game FIFA 2009.

Police said the argument broke out when the 46-year-old storekeeper offered his son advice on tactics to improve his play, and then turned the television off in response to his son’s behaviour.

Fetching a knife from the kitchen, Mario stabbed his father in the neck before returning to clean the weapon at the kitchen sink in front of his mother and leaving it to dry on the draining-board. Forty-six year-old housewife Monica B,. told Italian daily Il Corriere della Sera that she had no idea what had happened until her husband stumbled into the room, clutching his throat.

“I saw Mario come back into the room, he seemed calm, he went to the sink and I noticed him washing a knife,” Monica told the newspaper. “Then my husband came into the room with a hand round his neck, dripping blood.”

The teenager shut himself in his bedroom after the attack and made no attempt to resist arrest, police said.

The game had been given to Mario a few days earlier, as a birthday present.

“Mario is obsessed. He’s forever playing on his PlayStation, and we bought him FIFA 2009 because we didn’t want him playing violent games,” his mother told Il Corriere.”


Trailer Park Boys


I can’t believe I haven’t heard of this show before. Been addicted to this Canadian mockumentary for the past couple of months and literally watched every season, movie, and special. I highly recommend it to anyone. Here’s some clips down below, check em out.

Trailer Park Boys (Wikipedia)

Trailer Park Boys (Official Site)

Trailer Park Boys (IMDB)

Rickyisms:

Some Funny Scenes (Loudish):


POKEMON ARE EVILL!!!


Fuck no they aren’t. But apparently this guy thinks so.

It’s from when Pokemon came out a long ass time ago, but I still get a chuckling from it.


Best Real Pokemon Archive


Hey Everyone,

Just thought you all should know.
Pokemon are real.
Pics gathered from various places, Enjoy! And if you find any you think are kickass, submit ’em.

-dc