David Crew is a gamer and web lover. Read my blog or else I'll throw a Bomb-Omb at you. Lighted. :)

Work

David’s Got an Apartment!


Hey Everyone,

This semester has been quite ridiculously hectic so far:

Got Kicked Out of University Housing:

 

Yup. I guess I’m a troublemaker? Hoodlum even?! That’s right, hide yo kids, and hide yo wife, because I’m just an awful

person. Also, I guess having a person that is in your room who is 21 and drinking their own single beer is a evict-able offense… at least in the eyes of the University. Oh well.

Now I’m living in a 3 bedroom apartment with my other roommates that got kicked out, and we’re paying $750 dollars less a month for three times the space of our original dorm with our own kitchen, bath, and living room. Heat and water are also included which is mad nice too. So I guess, I got forced into saving enough money that I can now afford that car I was thinking of? Thanks College! Gotta admit, I love it here. It sucked moving out, but now we always have people over and finally have a little more privacy. Distance from campus? 5 Minutes. Love it. ❤

New Girls, New Stories 😉

I am not a ladies man. Alright, alright, I’m outgoing, funny, kind, intelligent, and I respect and treat women right. Sound familiar? That’s right, it’s the exact formula that women in college don’t go after. I am not a spray tanning, eyebrow waxing, hair mousing, muscle man that is more in love with biceps than with his girl, so naturally, I don’t really have that many girls who I have intimate relations with.

But this year, it’s all different. Ever since the start of the semester, I’ve had a few different girls each month that are involved in my life for a bit, we do things and have fun, then next thing I know, there’s more girls adding themselves in. Where did this come from? Could it be that college girls are actually maturing and realizing that the Jersey Shore wannabe dudes (devout fan btw) aren’t all they’re cracked up to be? Maybe there’s just a spike in the college slut population, yet still these girls aren’t skanky, so that can’t be true. I don’t know what changed this year, but I’m lovin’ it. I actually have a few stories I may tell later on that you may appreciate. Nothing big, just regular gossipy stories that I know some of you subscribers out there eat up like crack coated charleston chews.

School is Hard.

Very. Seriously, doing a double major is not my cup of tea right now. Maybe it was the small period of homelessness I had in between moving (that’s right, I was homeless for a week: certified hobo fresh). Or maybe it’s just the fact all the intro stuff is going away and now we have to learn REAL things, not theories and such. Whatever it is, it’s just difficult and my grades are not so hot. HOWEVER, these last few exams I rocked harder than your grandmother’s rocking chair on speed, so hopefully that GPA will be flyin higher than MIA soon enough.

Business is Good

I started consulting this semester. You know, just trying to earn a little extra cash with some of the knowledge and experiences I’ve had in my life related to technology, business development, and other things. So far, I’ve had a few residual clients that I love working with. It gives me a chance to help out small business owners and other independent professionals with various portions of their professional establishment or professional lives, all while making a decent profit at it. (I charge about $35 an hour, which I guess is rather low for a consultant, but I don’t mind.) I really feel like I’m making a difference in these people’s lives and hopefully they are getting the information that they need to further their professional development.

But, I’m like Nutella, I’m delicious and spread nice over things, but you soon find out, that you’re completely out, and your breakfast, lunch, dinner entre is forever empty of sweet, sweet Nutella. WHY OH WHY IS IT GONE!? But seriously, I always feel like I’m spreading myself thin here. The company is going fine, you know, the one I founded over the summer? I have a partnership deal being hammered out with a popular nationwide pizza franchise which, if it goes through, would land me about $100,000 more with the business. So, hopefully things go well and they like what I have to offer enough to work out a nice little business relationship. If not, well, shit happens, gotta roll with it. Bootstrapping is nice and all, but a little extra nudge is always nice 🙂

Also, I’m working on a children’s book series.

“But David! You’re ****ing crazy! You know nothing of literature, children’s books, publishing, or anything of that sort!”

And to that I say, so what? One day, as a kid, I came up with a list of things I wanted to do before I became an adult and became boring. One of them included, well, not being boring, and also to come up with something to give back to the world as a whole. It didn’t matter what it was, but it had to be something material enough and something worthwhile that someone would say, “Hey, this guy, this guy right here. He did something that changed my life and helped me. Have some of my Nutella”. And then I would proceed to never run out of Nutella ever again and not have to resort to mundane peanut butter on my slice of bread.

Why can’t I make a book series? Who’s to give you the authority to tell me it isn’t going to happen and I should just give up the work I’ve put into it? Sure, I may do bad things occasionally, bend the rules sometimes, and talk and say things worse than a drunken Irish man that had someone take his keys away, but that doesn’t mean I can’t put together some semblances of human emotion and put them on a page and hope it helps a child out there learn about life.

It’s the experiences we have that gives us the ability to teach and produce true artistic material. I can’t remember which Simpsons writer it was that said it in a Simpsons’ commentary, but the best scripts they always had, were the ones where the writer could reach down into a personal experience or event in their lives and put it into a plot for an episode. That’s why, it’s not always an Ivy-League graduate who will produce the best movie, research, or children’s book, but rather an individual who has experienced many great and wonderful things in his life as well as many not so great things. I’m not saying the book will be like a multi-platinum album of the literary world, but even if it changes the life of one child in the world, I’d say that’d be pretty sweet.

Someone Hire Me

Like most college kids, an ideal life would be to go to school, find the perfect girl in or a little after graduation, get a decent job that’s got benefits, have a couple planned kids and maybe an accidental one, then work 50 or so years and die knowing that you were loved and relatively successful.

I gotta find me a job.

I did an internship this summer, and loved it, but now I have to find a new internship at a larger firm to possibly secure a position when I graduate. Graduation isn’t for another year and a half, so I have a decent time to plan, but still, I would like this feeling of floating in an sea of unknown to go away and actually know there’s a rescue career helicopter out there waiting to pick me up and bring me to a job with $50k a year.

I guess, it’s just hard sometimes to really motivate myself to do well in school. It’s like, where am I going? Where will I end up? Will I be happy? I guess I’m being super emo right now, but this is some serious shit. If I don’t figure out what’s going on with my life, I may wake up one morning and see an obese, disheveled, excuse for a man staring back at me in the mirror. I don’t want that. I want to be better than great. I’ll be so awesome in life, they’ll have a new adjective named after me. Oh, Warren Buffet? Yeah, he was a DAVID CREW.

But I digress. I love this place where I am right now, but it won’t last forever. I love doing these little projects, they keep my life interesting, and I guess if I end up finding myself unemployed for a while after I graduate, will hopefully keep me sane. I need to always be doing things, that’s why I’ll always update this blog no matter what. (So subscribe today! 🙂 )

Anywho, that’s more a less an update on what’s going on. Have a good one you guys, and lovin the views and subscribers we’re getting right now. It really means something when you see that stuff. Vote/comment/share today!

-dc


Baby Mine


Hey Everyone,

Human nature is not necessarily evil, there are simply parts of a person that can make a person do despicable deeds. I was at work today talking with one of my friends, and he told me a story about a person he met who had fought in Vietnam many years ago. Apparently this soldier had fought on the front lines in many parts of ‘Nam killing and trying to win a war that was as long as it was deadly.

There was one day, though, that was especially terrible. While this soldier was fighting through a village, he came across a baby that was crying on the ground. Seeing the helpless little Vietnamese baby, he came over and picked the poor thing up to try to reunite it with its family or at least bring him/her somewhere safe. Yet, when he picked the baby up, there was a little *click* and the land mine that the baby had been set on by the opposing forces blew up underneath the soldier, sending shrapnel through the air annihilating the baby and severely wounding the soldier.

Atrocious.

What kind of human beings use a baby as a lure to the enemy to try to make them come closer to a land mine? That’s just nonsense, seriously. I mean it’s one thing to smash through and wage slick Call of Duty war to wreck noObs, but it’s another to actually go out there, and use guerrilla tactics like that to take soldiers out. I guess that was a pretty common thing that happened in ‘Nam, to use women, children, and infants as lures and traps for soldiers. Terrible stuff, people, just awful stuff.


Disturbing Shopping List


Hey Everyone,

Today I stumbled across someone’s terribly revealing shopping list at work that was crumpled up on the floor. I thought I’d share them with you:

1. Milk
2. Zoloft Rx
3. Wart freeze off applicator
4. Pregnancy test
5. Chicken Ramen
6. 30 pack Bud Light
7. Lavender Febreeze spray
8. Journal
9. Stuff that turns lights on slowly
10. Fan
11. Quick trim slim system

Now it’s pretty simple to piece together this list. So the person that dropped it was buying the bare essentials of food, milk and ramen. I’m assuming it’s a woman, who has a terrible wart problem, but recently had sex and is worried about becoming pregnant with a child and therefore took the pregnancy test. She’s buying a 30 pack, most likely for herself, even though she is picking up a prescription for  anti depressants.

I’m not really sure why she’s buying a journal, maybe to chronicle her depression and possible pregnancy with some guy she met. She doesn’t seem too smart or ready for hard work, however. She is most likely overweight and wants to lose weight doing it an easy way, and doesn’t understand that the thing that “turns lights on slowly” is a dimmer switch. Annnd, lastly, it’s summer, so she’s buying a fan to stay cool.

Wow. Amazing what a shopping list can tell you about a person.


The Personalities of the Workplace


Hey Everyone,

Beware of people: there are always different types of people that work at jobs, but never have I seen such a variety of workers, for better or worse. Here are some types of worker personalities that exist, not just in retail, but in many other work environments, as well. If you know of one that you want to add, comment below 😀 :

These people spout books of boring tales

The Story Teller – everything is a story to this person, no matter how ridiculously boring and idiotic the story may be. Many times, it’s just like those dolts on Twitter who should not be given a Twitter account, because no one in their right mind wants to listen to you babble about your boring life. Limit time with these people because prolonged exposure can induce sudden narcolepsy and steal precious minutes away from your life. Also, many times they’re loud and dammit they’re always the ones on their phones in the break room when everyone is trying to relax.

Have hopes and dreams? Enter ma belly!

The Depressed Sandtrap – many people who end up in retail end up working there for lack of anything else going on in their lives. These people have missed opportunities, squandered ambitions, and forgone any kind of will to continue onward in their lives. Because of this, they have shut themselves into a depressing sandtrap and will do anything they can to bring down other unsuspecting employees down with them, like a sarlacc from Star Wars. Much like an ant lion or quick sand. Careful with these employees as they can be very hazardous to your health, especially with their depressing bitter words that can suck the ambition and hopes right out of you like a horny dementor.

That Gorgeous Person – why is there a beautiful person with a great body, face, and many times a personality while they’re surrounded by employees who are missing teeth, dropped out of school, and had children while they were children themselves? I have no fucking clue, and it will always be a mystery. But man, are they great to look at. Be wary of these people though, many times beautiful people are given positions of power and influence because, well, they’re slamming, but they may be used to getting things their way and if you don’t give them what they want, it’s the gallows for tueth.

The Slowed – ever work with someone that is just completely slow and can’t even do the simplest tasks in a timely fashion? Meet the slow, a special kind of employee who actually is not clinically handicapped in any kind of fashion but moves like a cold bottle of molasses in half speed. Woe to the poor employees assigned projects with this person as it will either get done never, or get done due to the rest of the group busting their balls to do the work for the slow.

Us vs. Them Man – the permanent victim. The perpetual blamer. This employee always finds someone or some group to blame for the misfortunes at work rather than take responsibility for their actions. Backroom inventory screwed up? Must be the night crew. Get yelled at for being late to work? Blame it on your family not waking you up. Paperwork not submitted on time? The printer with the personal vendetta is to blame. These employees can try your patience and try to convert you to victimism, but be strong! These employees are rarely at one job for too long.

The Hardass – ever not give two shits about a job, but find ways to get it done still? Maybe you cut corners a little to make it easier and bend the rules to your advantage. Better watch out for the hardass. This employee or next in command apparently was born with a small feral badger in their rectal region because nothing is never right enough, and if it’s wrong, you better get the hell out of there. The hardass takes no excuses and many times winds up losing years off their lives due to stressful perfectionism throughout their daily routines. Many times this person can get ahead, but because of their vicious badger in the anus attitudes about work, upper management will not accept their super duper perfectisms.

The Clever – quick talking, fast witted, and quick to make a little quip, these employees are intellectually agile and tongue twerpingly acrobatic with linguistics. More suited to a hazy comedy club bar, these employees offer humor when it’s needed most. Sometimes this personality combines with the sand trap employee to make a giant arrogant asshole, but otherwise they are enjoyable.

The Offended – one of my most hated worker personalities is the offended. Ever tell a relatively racy or slightly unpolitically correct joke and had someone complain or bitch their brains out about it? Meet the offended. I have witnessed many a person not be able to take a joke or sarcasm and take everything as a personal assault on their livelihood. Because of an offended, I saw one of my best friends get fired from his only job that puts food on his family table because he ambiguously implied another person was of larger size. He is still unemployed, and no, it was not a woman that got him fired, but an athletically built man.

Run.

The Angered – another employee type I hate to stumble across, the angered. Usually found in he higher up positions because power has corrupted them, the angered employees are a ticking atom bomb and you’re a giant target. It can take something as small as forgetting to do something to losin a pen to set this insane firework of rageihol off. But fear not, the angered have shorter lifespans compared to normal people and will usually keel over due to being so angry at life all the time.

The Normal Person – [no information available, doesn’t exist.]