David Crew is a gamer and web lover. Read my blog or else I'll throw a Bomb-Omb at you. Lighted. :)

Posts tagged “funny

The Best Season of Futurama Yet


Hey Everyone,

I know it’s been a bit since I’ve updated this blog, and you can blame that on college starting back up and now homework actually being assigned. No Gen Eds to actually take up my time this semester too, which is annoying.

Anywho, Futurama is a surprisingly underrated show, even today after having five glorious seasons and now going on their sixth. However, this year, Futurama has been pulling out every single stop as far as quality of writing, animation, and wit. Dealing with philosophical themes and issues of mortality and the continuum of time, Futurama provides some exceptional artistic presentation combined with the humor of the show.

I really can’t explain the intricacies of the current 6th season very eloquently, since I’m not a writer for Futurama and have that kind of superhero-type writing ability, but I definitely recommend episode 6, Lethal Inspection, and episode 7, The Late Philip J. Fry as episodes to watch that will both make you smile and laugh, as well as tear up a bit.

As always, stay awesome my friends,

-David Crew

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Back From Colorado


Hey Everyone,

Yesterday I got back from Colorado, and I must say, it was pretty fucking awesome. Never before had I seen such beautiful landscapes, nice people, and rolling mountains. I tossed some pictures below for you guys to check out. Enjoy!

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.co Domain Extension


Hey Everyone,

I don’t consider myself a genius when it comes to the process of purchasing domains and the entire handling of websites and such (if you talk servers, python, and other things I’ll just ask for a CMS), but haven’t we all seen this kind of process before?

I bought your website domain, nude.

Every couple of years we get another top level domain extension added to the registrar where you can register your long awaited, unique domain name to a less-than-the-infinitely-better-in-every-way .com extension since a bunch of schmucks all over the Internet with an average weight of 300 lbs. all purchased them long ago in 1996. There’s a whole slue “top level domains” out there for the GoDaddy power user:

  1. .coop – for the websites that don’t do single player.
  2. .tel – the extension for the nonexistent, long-since deleted word for “telephone”.
  3. .gg – the domain for internet websites with good sportsmanship tendencies.
  4. .arpa – the evil, malicious domain twin of the .sherpa domains.
  5. .museum – for the stupid intellectual who decided to throw as many syllables as possible into a domain. Oh yeah, and help museums.

But that doesn’t really matter because the process remains the same. Come out with a new domain, auction off the really awesome ones, then leave the rest of them to be picked up by the same 300 lbs people as some kind of Internet investment (people, Zecco is right around the corner if you want to do investments, ffs.). Then within a few months, everyone realizes how idiotic it is to have anything but a .com, tries to resell their “investments” that they paid a premium for through hyping, then the Internet quietly awaits domain transfers of .com’s again.

Seriously, the only domains that should be considered are .com, .org, and only if super duper necessary, .net. Otherwise, if I visit a site that has any other extension, I’m gettin’ out of there.


The Importance of Music in Video Games


So awesome. ❤

Hey Everyone,

I have always been very geek when it comes to music in video games. Even when it was the 16 bit sounds of my first Super Nintendo chiming away as I combated zoras in Link to the Past, stomped on goombas in Super Mario World, or blasted Mavericks in Mega Man X, I would always enjoy the little tunes that played during each game. It got to the point where I could easily tell what game my friend was playing in the other room simply by hearing the melodies.

The type of Music that’s in video games plays a pivotal role in how well a game communicates to a gamer and can either make or break many video games in development and on the market.

Why do you exist?

But why is the music so vital to a game? Why is it that the thumping drums and airy choral lines in the Halo games more fitting than techno music and banjos? (besides banjos being the most useless instrument in the world). It’s because music is an essential ingredient to building atmosphere within games and evoking certain kinds of emotions in gamers.

Music has a special ability to evoke emotions. The tone colors of certain instruments as well as the overall beat, rhythm, pitch, staff style and much more can influence what natural kind of emotion we get. The dissonant chords and fast strings in Dead Space put nerves on edge, the slow french horns and deep drums of Oblivion soothe you as you ride over luscious hills, and the airy sounds of Venice with the mix of human chatter make you really feel like you’re with Ezio in Assassin’s Creed 2. (Oblivion even won the MTV Video Music Award for “Best Original Score” through an international popular vote.)

Video game music even has grown to be a distinct genre. Take, for example, many of the classical bands that have toured and featured video game music such as the Gamer Symphony Orchestra at the University of Maryland. And those are just classical orchestras playing video game music. There are sites out there that feature remixes and compositions based upon video game music like OC Remix, which provides free tracks you can download that remix game compositions into, many times, utter masterpieces.


But overall, I will be forever geek when it comes to video game music. If you’re interested in some decent soundtracks of video games, check out Oblivion, Halo, Chrono Trigger/ Chrono Cross, God of War 3, and Legend of Zelda Windwaker, Final Fantasy VII and X,  and Metal Gear Solid on Amazon or through youtube. And also, here’s one of my favorite tracks from Ocremix:


Disturbing Shopping List


Hey Everyone,

Today I stumbled across someone’s terribly revealing shopping list at work that was crumpled up on the floor. I thought I’d share them with you:

1. Milk
2. Zoloft Rx
3. Wart freeze off applicator
4. Pregnancy test
5. Chicken Ramen
6. 30 pack Bud Light
7. Lavender Febreeze spray
8. Journal
9. Stuff that turns lights on slowly
10. Fan
11. Quick trim slim system

Now it’s pretty simple to piece together this list. So the person that dropped it was buying the bare essentials of food, milk and ramen. I’m assuming it’s a woman, who has a terrible wart problem, but recently had sex and is worried about becoming pregnant with a child and therefore took the pregnancy test. She’s buying a 30 pack, most likely for herself, even though she is picking up a prescription for  anti depressants.

I’m not really sure why she’s buying a journal, maybe to chronicle her depression and possible pregnancy with some guy she met. She doesn’t seem too smart or ready for hard work, however. She is most likely overweight and wants to lose weight doing it an easy way, and doesn’t understand that the thing that “turns lights on slowly” is a dimmer switch. Annnd, lastly, it’s summer, so she’s buying a fan to stay cool.

Wow. Amazing what a shopping list can tell you about a person.


What’s Up with David?


Hey Everyone,

Kinda busy over the weekend and today working on a few projects. For one, the internship started up and I’ve begun working for that company, which I must say is pretty sweet. Here’s a list of the things I’ve been working on over the weekend and today, and why there’s no new interesting posts today:

  1. Had to work the weekend
  2. Internship work after the regular full time job
  3. Writing a zombie movie script that has a twist on the zombie movie genre. (8% complete)
  4. Preparing a proposal for several new ideas to implement into the full time job that can be picked up nationwide. Already received the support of the general managers, now working on getting the support of regional managers.
  5. Working on an internship program businesses to use with our organization on campus, including the application, guidelines, and submission dates.
  6. The god damn Batman. =D

See you tomorrow everyone! ❤


Mono – Hymn to the Immortal Wind


Hey Everyone,

Slacker Radio is by far one of my favorite music services out there. Sure, Pandora is more popular, and Grooveshark has an enormous library and pretty competitive radio option, too, but I have always loved using Slacker to find new artists and songs that fit my mood.

On the station “ambient chill (non vocal)” there is one band that I stumbled across that I just have to share. The name of the band is Mono and they’re a group from out in Japan that do magnificent, relaxing instrumental songs. I recently picked up one of their albums, Hymn to the Immortal Wind, and I must say the music is simply fantastic. They’re tracks are long, ranging from a few minutes to a dozen at times, but if you stick around for the entire track, they usually culminate in a delicious buildup to a crescendo that is just gorgeous.

Check out more info on their band here, and for an example song of theirs, check out this track below called “Burial at Sea”.


Facebook Sued for Massive Majority Ownership Stake


Wow, what an interesting read. Check out this legal action brought against Facebook by web designer, Paul Ceglia. I wonder what will happen to Facebook if Ceglia wins this contract dispute. Article from Information Week:

Facebook Sued For 84% Ownership Stake

Web designer Paul Ceglia says a 2003 contract entitles him to majority ownership of the social networking site.

By

Alison Diana

InformationWeek
July 13, 2010 11:43 AM

Facebook has moved to overturn a recent temporary restraining order won by New York web designer Paul Ceglia, who filed suit against Facebook and company CEO Mark Zuckerberg, claiming an April 2003 contract now entitles him to an 84% ownership stake in Facebook.

“We believe this suit is completely frivolous and we will fight it vigorously,” a Facebook spokesman said in a statement. Facebook and Zuckerberg have 30 days to respond, according to court documents.

On July 9, Allegany Court judge Thomas P. Brown; Ceglia’s attorney, Paul Argentieri of Hornell, N.Y.; and Facebook attorney Lisa T. Simpson of New York, spoke via conference call, according to the local newspaper the Wellsville Daily. During that conversation, Judge Brown continued a temporary restraining order that prevents Facebook from transferring assets while the case continues.

Simpson filed a “notice of intent” to move the case away from the U.S. District Court for the Western District of New York in Buffalo, according to the Wellsville Daily.

Under the seven-year-old contract signed by Zuckerberg and Ceglia, the designer received $1,000 and a 50% stake in the site which eventually became Thefacebook.com, according to the suit. The lawsuit also says Ceglia is entitled to “an additional 1% interest in the business for every day after Jan. 1, 2004, until it was completed.”

Terms of the work for hire contract state, “It is agreed that Purchaser [Ceglia] will own a half interest (50%) in the software, programming language, and business interests derived from the expansion of the service to a larger audience.”

In papers filed with the Allegany, N.Y., County Court on June 30, Ceglia seeks a declaratory judgment and relief in the form of monetary damages and 84% ownership — worth between $5.6 billion and $9.24 billion — of the social networking giant, based on Facebook’s estimated value of between $6.5 billion and $11 billion. Zuckerberg’s personal fortune is worth between $4 billion and… (Full Story)


The Personalities of the Workplace


Hey Everyone,

Beware of people: there are always different types of people that work at jobs, but never have I seen such a variety of workers, for better or worse. Here are some types of worker personalities that exist, not just in retail, but in many other work environments, as well. If you know of one that you want to add, comment below 😀 :

These people spout books of boring tales

The Story Teller – everything is a story to this person, no matter how ridiculously boring and idiotic the story may be. Many times, it’s just like those dolts on Twitter who should not be given a Twitter account, because no one in their right mind wants to listen to you babble about your boring life. Limit time with these people because prolonged exposure can induce sudden narcolepsy and steal precious minutes away from your life. Also, many times they’re loud and dammit they’re always the ones on their phones in the break room when everyone is trying to relax.

Have hopes and dreams? Enter ma belly!

The Depressed Sandtrap – many people who end up in retail end up working there for lack of anything else going on in their lives. These people have missed opportunities, squandered ambitions, and forgone any kind of will to continue onward in their lives. Because of this, they have shut themselves into a depressing sandtrap and will do anything they can to bring down other unsuspecting employees down with them, like a sarlacc from Star Wars. Much like an ant lion or quick sand. Careful with these employees as they can be very hazardous to your health, especially with their depressing bitter words that can suck the ambition and hopes right out of you like a horny dementor.

That Gorgeous Person – why is there a beautiful person with a great body, face, and many times a personality while they’re surrounded by employees who are missing teeth, dropped out of school, and had children while they were children themselves? I have no fucking clue, and it will always be a mystery. But man, are they great to look at. Be wary of these people though, many times beautiful people are given positions of power and influence because, well, they’re slamming, but they may be used to getting things their way and if you don’t give them what they want, it’s the gallows for tueth.

The Slowed – ever work with someone that is just completely slow and can’t even do the simplest tasks in a timely fashion? Meet the slow, a special kind of employee who actually is not clinically handicapped in any kind of fashion but moves like a cold bottle of molasses in half speed. Woe to the poor employees assigned projects with this person as it will either get done never, or get done due to the rest of the group busting their balls to do the work for the slow.

Us vs. Them Man – the permanent victim. The perpetual blamer. This employee always finds someone or some group to blame for the misfortunes at work rather than take responsibility for their actions. Backroom inventory screwed up? Must be the night crew. Get yelled at for being late to work? Blame it on your family not waking you up. Paperwork not submitted on time? The printer with the personal vendetta is to blame. These employees can try your patience and try to convert you to victimism, but be strong! These employees are rarely at one job for too long.

The Hardass – ever not give two shits about a job, but find ways to get it done still? Maybe you cut corners a little to make it easier and bend the rules to your advantage. Better watch out for the hardass. This employee or next in command apparently was born with a small feral badger in their rectal region because nothing is never right enough, and if it’s wrong, you better get the hell out of there. The hardass takes no excuses and many times winds up losing years off their lives due to stressful perfectionism throughout their daily routines. Many times this person can get ahead, but because of their vicious badger in the anus attitudes about work, upper management will not accept their super duper perfectisms.

The Clever – quick talking, fast witted, and quick to make a little quip, these employees are intellectually agile and tongue twerpingly acrobatic with linguistics. More suited to a hazy comedy club bar, these employees offer humor when it’s needed most. Sometimes this personality combines with the sand trap employee to make a giant arrogant asshole, but otherwise they are enjoyable.

The Offended – one of my most hated worker personalities is the offended. Ever tell a relatively racy or slightly unpolitically correct joke and had someone complain or bitch their brains out about it? Meet the offended. I have witnessed many a person not be able to take a joke or sarcasm and take everything as a personal assault on their livelihood. Because of an offended, I saw one of my best friends get fired from his only job that puts food on his family table because he ambiguously implied another person was of larger size. He is still unemployed, and no, it was not a woman that got him fired, but an athletically built man.

Run.

The Angered – another employee type I hate to stumble across, the angered. Usually found in he higher up positions because power has corrupted them, the angered employees are a ticking atom bomb and you’re a giant target. It can take something as small as forgetting to do something to losin a pen to set this insane firework of rageihol off. But fear not, the angered have shorter lifespans compared to normal people and will usually keel over due to being so angry at life all the time.

The Normal Person – [no information available, doesn’t exist.]


Letter to Microsoft


Hey you,

How’s it goin? You feeling alright? You sure? Well I’m not, you’re suffocating me. I just want to like you again, I really do, but you keep doing things and saying stuff that just makes me embarrassed to know you.

I fell in love with your Xbox at first glance. It’s curvaceous lines, stellar games, and online content made me enjoy many a quiet evening in a dimly lit room at home with it. My girlfriend was so jealous, she just couldn’t understand what we shared.

Your windows 7,  the version that should have been released instead of ‘the os that shall not be named’,  was amazin too. Snapping windows and having that nifty little taskbar revamped was a blast. Plus, it was actually a stable and well tested, well released product. Kudos.

But your other products and services really make me not trust you. Internet explorer is universally known to suck major ballage, your forays into the iPod dominated portable media market have been paltry at best, your windows phone os and the kin spontaneously combusted into failures, and you’re going to try to make the world buy another suite of office applications for the billionth time just so we can have a slightly newer, more confusing way to do business. And on top of all that, you canceled the last device I really thought was going to kick some major ass.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Microsoft, please stop being a follower. You were a born leader and our relationship has fallen on hard times ever since you gave up on yourself. You need to pick yourself up and experiment more and go for innovation rather than a ‘me too!’ kind of attitude. Drop the products and services that are under-performing and transfer the resources to better areas and new markets. And no, by better areas I don’t mean the kinect and that creepy kinectimals bs, i mean something we haven’t thought of before but desperately need.

If you don’t, I swear I’m going to buy a mac and do dirty things with it. And oh yeah, it’s true what they say about it’s performance. Plus with valve sending games over to mac, things are bound to get a little steamy.

D. Crew